Archive

Archive for February, 2011

The Dreaded Lurgy

February 22, 2011 1 comment

 

Up to now I have been somewhat remiss with respect to making regular posts on this my own blog, as if almost afraid to post on it for fear that what I write will either be so mind numbing as to put my audience of one to sleep, or that it would in fact open the floodgates and suddenly my mild-mannered excessively chirpy reputation would be decimated by the angry, moody and often times incoherent blogs that would follow.

I still haven’t quite gathered yet how this whole blog experiment will turn out, though I’m pretty certain that it will not land me a book deal anytime soon, ah well…who needs international stardom when you can fold shirts in work and yell at people.

But the first rant of today is one of frustration at myself and in many ways the continuation of the saga of posts that began with the start of my new gym regime.

I’m like a lot of guys, I want the perfect body…one that suits me but also one that is not so hidden that it takes you to strip me in order to seem I’m a toned yet skinny stud. Less than a week ago I took a few days off the gym in order to be well rested for fun day and night out with friends. That day came and went and was grand, though I didn’t overdo it. Within a few days I was in work 9-9 but had woken up with my body and throat in agony. I went in to work because God forbid I should ring in sick, and battled through the shift despite everyone (except management of course) saying that I looked too ill to be there. Since then I’ve been laid up at home and in fact HAD to ring in sick to work for the first time in THREE years on Saturday because for once I had to admit…I am human!

I guess that leads to the bigger point and the one that prob should have me in some sort of therapy, but fuck it, where’s the fun in that? The bigger point being…..I think I’m somehow more than human. Here me out before you call the men in white coats, just come in to my crazy world for a second.

I’ve always had this belief of pushing myself to crazy limits, I am the guy that the phrase ‘burns the candle at both ends’ was truly devised for. I can’t seem to exist without wanting to do more, achieve more, beat someone but most scarily….be better than myself. I’ve this mentality where I put constant pressure on myself to act a way that is to others simply insane. I’ve long felt I was sent here to change the world, but yet reality makes me feel like I’m mediocre at best, with setbacks scaring me into contemplating a life where I’m just….normal.

Normality is nothing to be sneezed at, at times I look at people with a degree of jealousy that they work 9-5, earn their money, go home to family and that’s their life and its all they need to feel complete….but it’s not me, It’s ridiculous to feel that you’re meant for something big, even more so when life keeps intervening to say…’just let it go’ but I won’t….I’ve never been normal in my life in almost all environments, I’m a complicated guy, instantly likeable yet depends on the audience, endearing, yet remarkably frustrating to know, I’m just saying this….I know I’ll always be my own worst enemy, but I have ideals and I’m not about to give up on them just yet, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…..so a new week dawns and new opportunities arise, I’ll be the man I’ve foreseen in my head that I’m meant to be, it may take time but I’ll get there.

James

Advertisements
Categories: Gym Rantings
%d bloggers like this: