Where Was I?

So no posts since March eh….hmm, that wasn’t part of the plan! I was meant to be ushering in a new age where the posts would come thick and fast and I would offload all the crazy thoughts of my mind onto the blank canvas of a blog.


Instead my mind has remained clogged with ideas, both stupid and relevant, and this blog has continued unwritten. I can make no promises but I will certainly aim to bring a bit of life back to the Embassy. I just need to figure out what I’m gonna say……..

Categories: Random Ramblings Tags:

You Might Very Well Think That. I Couldn’t Possibly Comment.

I am not normally one for box set style obsessions with TV shows (or in this case Netflix shows), I rarely find the time to watch them, but sometimes you just have to make an exception to the rule, and what better show to do that for….than House of Cards!

House Of Cards

I won’t mention anything that would remotely be considered a spoiler, but I just wanted to say that few shows live up to the hype, but this one certainly did. From the opening scenes, you could tell that this would be a great show, and the nod to the original book and subsequent BBC series House of Cards from 1990 with the Democratic House Majority Whip Frank Underwood (Kevin Spacey) speaking directly to the audience just sucks you in to this world.

If the series wasn’t great enough….the theme tune is damn awesome….

If you have not had the opportunity to see this show…Do It Now, It’s well worth it!

Happy Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2014 Leave a comment

Love is in the air…or is that just petrol fumes?

I was talking to my roommate earlier about a key memory from my youth about V-Day, I was in my early teens and I was helping my mum do the Weekly shopping on a Friday that happened to be February 14th. The tradition always was that I would help do the shopping in Sainsbury’s (mainly so I could spot and add things to the trolley that I liked that she would otherwise not buy) and I would take the trolley of paid for items back to the car and sit and listen to the radio until she returned from getting her final few purchases in Marks & Spencer (where I never liked the food as much growing up, so never bothered trying to get items into the basket). On this particular night, I remember sitting in the car and listening to Belfast Citybeat, Cool FM and even BBC Radio 1 launch into saccharine overdrive.

I had the pleasure of hearing Tricia tell Dan how he is her everything and that he completes her, followed by the bellowing of Bryan Adams ‘Everything I Do (I Do It For You)’, then Mark writing about how Valerie means the world to him and that he’s glad they got back together, of course followed by Starship ‘Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now’, and of course who could forget Gerard and Tina announce their engagement live on air to their friends and how he took her to their favourite restaurant and he proposed, with the radio presenter gushing over how original an idea it was, despite it being the most predictable location possible. Of course this had to be followed by some…any…ALL of Whitney Houston’s back catalogue. The radio presenter would then joke about the silliness involved with Valentine’s Day…and then proceed to carry on gushing about the love stories that have been sent in……those minutes spent listening to all that drivel had two effects, the first was it hit a sore spot initially so felt quite lonely as a singleton (though I don’t know why I even cared at that age) and secondly, it pretty much guaranteed that I would despise the idea of Valentine’s Day for the rest of my days.

While I am all for couples being happy and in love and all that jazz, I almost feel sorry for them, because they are being forced by Hallmark and Society to spend vast sums of money for an occasion not of their own choosing, in order to either sustain a social convention at best, or at worst they must one up a friend or colleague who has gone the extra mile for fear that they’d be seen as uncaring or ungenerous. I think there is nothing more unromantic than an expensive Valentine’s present, for what is deemed to be a grandiose demonstration of the high level of love that you have for someone, ends up appearing rather clinical as it can at times appear that love is a quantifiable thing that can be matched with a certain level of financial investment.

As previously mentioned in posts, I am an eternal singleton and so I’ve only had the pleasure of being in a serious relationship on one Valentine’s Day. On that day in particular I had a lovely day with my then boyfriend, not because it was V-Day, but because we were spending time together and having fun, things that mattered each and every 365 days of the year. Rather than gifts we resolved to write a note to each other and that was it. The words that leapt from the page in the handwritten note from my boyfriend were real currency, and were more valuable than the most expensive of potential clothes or technology that I could’ve received…because those words took real heart to send. I am not in any way saying that large gestures are in themselves unwelcome or a sign that you only know how to throw money about…all I am saying is that, in my case…a pen and some paper were all it took to make a typical day extra special, it can be as simple as that!

As per usual this post lacks a central plot and is more just a place for my thoughts on something to find fertile soil. I don’t believe that when I have a bf that I should tell him that I like/love him on 14th February, if I’ve not been telling him all the previous days of our relationship, then it’s not a relationship worth being in! I do hope that my fellow singletons have survived today knowing that we are in a much better state than the radio stations and media and society would like to present to us…Yes it’s amazing to be with someone, but it’s better to be with the right someone…and so we’d prefer to wait for that! In the meantime…that money that we saved on not sending cards/flowers/chocolates or whatever…well that’ll do nicely for a few rounds of drinks this weekend, so it’s not all bad!

‘A Sporting Chance’ – Super Bowl Fever!!

January 31, 2014 Leave a comment

It’s Friday 31st January 2014 and I have a confession to make….I have become….a sports fan!



I didn’t see it coming, I didn’t think that someone at the age of 29 could suddenly go from passive indifference to the sight of sports on tv…to roaring at the tv at teams that I have no previous loyalty to yet love how they’re performing in the game.

At the age that many boys were learning to play at sports through kicking a football outside in the street with the other children from the street, I was busy…helping as a cleaner and general nuisance in the shopping mall that my Dad then managed. My sister and I were the only children in my street from the time of my birth until I was into my 20s so we never really had the chance to learn sports with other children so I never developed much of an interest. This was combined with the fact that I grew up in an ABU household…’Anybody But United’, which threw up two particularly challenging issues. The first was that Manchester United were HYPER dominant during the late 90s when I entered Grammar school so they were basically adored by everyone in school…aside from me, so I stuck out a mile AND secondly, opposing a team didn’t mean that I had a particular team to root for, so the passion never developed.

Despite my general ‘meh’ attitude to sports, I HAVE flirted once or twice before with sports, both as a fan and competitor. I was on the school basketball team for two years. Before you all burst into fits of laughter, I was at least giving it a shot. At 6’1 I had the potential to be a decent enough player, but given that the coach was more interested in playing games against other schools than actually arranging times to train new players, it was hard to get good at it. Instead I had the pleasure of being overshadowed by a 5’8 player who could jump higher and score more often than I could dream….another sport….another dream shattered….or not!

When I was at University I DID finally find a sport that was good for me. I spent 4 years training in the Japanese martial art of Ju-Jitsu and I moved up to Orange belt during that time, I even bought a ‘gi’. As with most things at university, once you leave uni, you don’t bother carrying on, but for those few years I was a killer ninja. I can still remember how to break peoples’ necks from those days so at least that made it worthwhile I guess…quite handy for a guy who gives the appearance that he could be knocked down with a feather.

My move to New York has seen me embrace a person renaissance, broadening my mind to interests that previously never fascinated me. I am doing this because I think that building a life in New York from scratch shows me that you can teach an (not so) old dog new tricks. In 2011 I chatted with friends in work about settling on a football team to support and decided that Arsenal would be the right team for me. As we enter 2014…they are top of the league (well were until Wed, but we’ll fix that soon), and Utd….well let’s just say that they are having a memorable season, for all the wrong reasons so I am watching more games than ever!

I have also watched more NFL games in the past few months than in the entirety of my life. I am a Chicago Bears fan due to living in the city many years ago, but I’m still debating whether the Giants or Jets get my love in New York. Back when I lived in Chicago I also attended a Chicago Cubs game at Wrigley Field and it was one of the most fun days ever…and we won!

Wrigley Field 2007

Spot The Blondie...And Sports Fan!

So what is the point of this post? Oh wait, you want a POINT…to one of MY posts? Good luck with that! There’s no real point, other than to say that I am quite pumped for the Super Bowl. It is all the more fun to watch given that the Broncos colour of choice is Orange and the Seahawks colour is Green, so it’s like the Irish have invaded the city with all the Green and Orange all over the place. As they have never won it and are considered the underdogs, I am cheering for the Seattle Seahawks! The first ever Super Bowl held in New York/New Jersey and I’m here for it, whoop whoop…Bring it on!

Super Bowl State Of Mind!

Super Bowl Boulevard

A Tea Partier About Relationships

January 26, 2014 1 comment

My coming out story was long and convoluted so I will save that story for another day, instead I want to talk Carrie Bradshaw style about single life and relationship life. When I was growing up I sometimes encountered moments that in hindsight were key indicators of my sexuality, but at the time I rationalized them away in my head as one thing or another. One constant that remained with me throughout my long coming out was an image in my head of my ‘ideal family future’.

This ideal family scene is set at Christmas, I am decked out in the hat from the Christmas cracker, my numerous children have brought over my even more numerous grandchildren and we are all awaiting the arrival of the turkey from the kitchen for me to carve up. As I sit in the end chair as the head of the family at this spectacularly decorated table, with all the food and smiling faces, I see the arrival of my beautiful other half, jet black hair, dressed perfectly and the full turkey is placed in the centre of the table…and I receive a kiss on the cheek from the love of my life. A perfect image…one that I could treasure all my days…except that in this scenario….my beautiful other half…is a woman.

Now this image of wedded bliss to a beautiful woman who fills you with joy is hardly an alien concept to many gay men who have long since greeted the reality of their orientation with open arms and formed a new interpretation of the family ideal. Growing up in the 80s and 90s the idea of gay marriage wasn’t even countenanced, and the premise of living with another man wasn’t even mentioned during my 14 years of study at highly regarded but fiercely conservative catholic schools…so what other idea would form in my head.

This year I turn 30, I’m not afraid of the number, in fact I am getting the growing sense that my 30s will be a wonderful decade, but of course 29 is the age when you start reflecting on your expectations of life by the time you hit 30. I am currently single *singletons scream with delight…or not* and the prospects of marriage within the next few years are as likely as Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus hooking up and then winning ‘Most Normal Couple’ award. While I would have no objections with falling in love with a woman if by some voodoo magic she was able to excite me in all ways required; however, the likely outcome is that some handsome gent and I will get married.

So here’s the point where I just swap the gorgeous bride carrying the turkey to my gorgeous groom carrying the turkey and everything will be perfect right? Hmmm not quite! While I know I fancy men and love them and all and hope to marry one someday, the woman in that mental image was perfect, perhaps unhelpfully so, to the point of being a stepford wife. Such men and women don’t exist, they never have, they never will, and yet she has informed my expectations…If I am to let go of this childhood idea of my perfect family future I need to find myself a perfect husband to outshine this perfect wife

…I will pause for a second to allow the laughter of you all to settle…

So…I couldn’t help but wonder…Do many/all/none at all/some gay men compare their relationships and future with those of a ‘perfect woman’ from the alternate straight life that they left behind?

The reason I am pondering over this question is that I see more and more of my friends getting married, some are having children, others a dog, but in someway many of them are moving forward in the direction of a more perfect union between two people, whether straight, gay, bisexual whatever and I’m…well I’m just the same me. I remember a girl I went to University with who couldn’t stand the idea of being alone in a room for longer than a few minutes…tying in with that, she was always in a relationship, and while that’s fine for her, it’s never been my thing. I am a proud singleton, I enjoy my own company and I have used this title to travel alone to places when I wanted to without having to involve or consult anyone else, I have been able to meet up with friends, even exes, for chats without facing an interrogation that would make the Gestapo blush, it has allowed me to move to another country without feeling guilt at who I was leaving behind and in practical terms it has saved me money and heartache.

I am left to wonder…after a certain can singlehood become a chronic condition? I have embraced the good thing about singlehood…but this has also made me more selfish, While cuddles are awesome, good luck to anyone in my bed who takes up too much room or is too warm, I can’t handle it, or good luck to you if I want to try something a certain way and I don’t, I’m stubborn, I know who I am and neither want nor desire to change. Compromise is crucial to make a relationship work, but becomes so hard to succeed at when one side comes with an expectation of getting everything their own way…HOLY FUCK…I’ve just realized…I’m a Tea Partier about relationships!!!

*Sniffs some smelling salts to recover from this painful revelation*

The bizarre thing is, that during those phases when I actually HAVE been in a relationship, I have been very obliging…well to a point, but those were years ago and so I worry that my views have hardened. Dates are often one offs because I have now devised so many boxes in my head (My own ‘Contract FROM America’ that the Tea Party wingnuts once drafted as their platform) that I am genuinely expecting guys to succeed against insurmountable odds. If I looked like the heartthrob of the day, had the best job, tons of money, and a perfect personality then perhaps I could get away a little with this approach….but I’m an average looking job seeking immigrant with no money and a control freak personality…..If I were on Blind Date, Cilla would’ve told ‘Our Graham’ to not even bother introducing me. There are guys that I have dated that I have been lucky enough to retain as friends after the fact, but there’s always one of those friends that you look at and wish things had turned out differently, and for that, the blame lies with me! I am glad that he is happy now, but there is always one!

So what can I do? This problem of expectations started all the way back with this woman in my mind as a child. I am wildly ambitious in life, and appear equally ambitious in the family I want, but reality isn’t like that, How do I accept reality and learn to embrace the diverse, how do I figure out how to discard my list of boxes to tick and let myself be loved. Answers on a postcard please!

Gazing Into The Future

Happy New Year!!

Well Ladies and Gentlemen, that time has arrived……HAPPYYYYYYY NEWWWWW YEARRRRR!!!

From a personal standpoint, no one can ever tell if the year ahead (in this case 2014) will be Happy…or indeed if it’ll feel like a year as I am understanding my parents more and more when they say that time flies the older you get, it’s damn true, but basically the one thing word that remains 100% true in a person’s mind is this….’NEW’! There will be a lot of new things ahead this year, even if we do bemoan New Years Eve because of the fact that come January 1st…nothing changes….yeah, but give time!

On December 31st 2012 I had no plans, one of only two NYEs in over 10 years where I had nothing planned…and I kept it that way, I watched TV…The Alan Carr New Years Specstacular was on and was sufficiently hilarious to make me think that I had made the right decision. At a few minutes to midnight my sister and I went into the kitchen to see our parents and counted down to zero with Jools Holland as had long been the tradition……A normal night at home, doing normal things, and at midnight….the world didn’t appear to change, life carried on just as it had done a few minutes before.

Fast forward to December 31st 2013 and I am counting down to midnight with new friends, in a fun bar in Alphabet City, on my first NYE as a resident of the City of New York. Had I been asked at 1/2/3/4 minutes past 12 on 1st January 2013 what I would be doing on NYE 2013, I certainly wouldn’t have come up with what the reality turned out to be. Yeah it may seem like nothing new lies ahead when we are drunkenly saying goodbye to 2013 and bemoaning how life isn’t fundamentally different, but like most things give it time, I can’t wait to see where we all are at the end of 2014.


New Friends Cassie and Katie treating me to a great NYE in NYC.

So now that the new year has arrived….what next?? Well firstly I would like to secure a paid job that allows me to gain good experience and fits well with what I am here to do! I would love to make some great new friends and I would also love to visit some old friends across the country.

As I look forward to exciting times ahead, I know that i’ll likely face some pretty rough days, I miss my family and friends at home, I miss the security of a job, I miss the familiarity of knowing a city inside out, I hate being the newbie……but my word, if those are the only problems that I have to contend with….then that’s a pretty blessed life! I am soooooo excited about what lies ahead in 2014 because I now know that whatever happens on any given day, if I want….I can change what happens the following day and the day after, I don’t have to be stuck in a rut….I can break that cycle and take risks and have new adventures. If 2013 has taught me anything, it has taught me that…..and for that reason alone, 2013 will be remembered as a pretty great year!

Have a great 2014!



Categories: Uncategorized Tags: , ,

Countdown To A Bloggy New Year

December 30, 2013 Leave a comment


So in 2011 I was clearly in an ‘expressive’ phase….I thought the way forward was blogging, I would become one of those people who throws open their life to ridicule by typing words onto a website and exposing it for all the world to see.

Or rather….that was the theory! In practice life has a habit of changing your plans before you realized that it had done so. 2011 initially started as a rather quiet year for me in comparative terms, well for the most part. I did not climb Everest and to my knowledge, I did not break any world records (I have yet to verify this, I may STILL be crowned ‘biggest Doctor Who fan’ though I’ve seen some über fans and they are CRAYYYY-ZAY) and so the blog became a forgotten gem, and so 2011, 2012 and indeed 2013 slipped by, with the untold stories remaining trapped in the prison of my brain with only me for company.

It’s strange, I stopped blogging because of a few reasons, the quiet spell in life, but mainly due to laziness, a more insidious disease than many mentioned in a Medical Encyclopedia. Bouts of laziness are the ‘Weeping Angels’ of my life. For those unfamiliar with this New Doctor Who villainous race, the Weeping Angels can do away with you by touching you and zapping you into the past and living off the energy you would’ve used in the future. They ‘Kill you nicely’!! That’s a rather flamboyant way of saying that my own laziness felt great at the time, because I wasn’t doing anything and that often feels great, but in reality it used up another day that I could have spent productively.

These ‘Laziness Angels’ were a pretty powerful force on me in 2011 and led me to not only stop blogging, but stop with the gym, stop with a lot of things….I worked as few shifts in work as possible and only nominally searched for new jobs. I allowed myself to be gripped by this laziness for a good 8 months…..and yet surprisingly, In September 2011, I embarked upon the longest sustained period of activity in my life that continues to this very day, it finally clicked, my active mentality finally won out over my laziness. It is odd, in jobs I work incredibly hard, my managers will tell you so, perhaps I was just not quite as attentive at ensuring my own mental well-being than I was at contributing in work.

Sadly once you get out of the habit of doing something, the harder it is to get back into it, and so 2012 and 2013 went by without blog entries, despite them being the most exciting years that I have experienced in a long long time. I will try to go a bit ‘Night of the Doctor’ along the way and revisit key events from the past few years to inform all 4 of you that will read this about what I have been up to. I am offering up this blog as a bit of entertainment and perhaps it will offer you the chance to know me better. At times it will be moany, at times it will be heavy, at times it will be comical, and all throughout it will be completely self-absorbed, but that’s basically the point of a blog, so don’t whinge if you expected something else.

Hopefully I will be able to sustain the blog this time, perhaps it will give me a chance to prove to myself that I have grown and matured since 2011 and that I am now ready to not only talk more about my thoughts, but also that I have the ability to sustain my posting. What started as a post announcing my return to blogging quickly turned into a post about the state of my mental health in 2011, so if that’s how things go on day 1, lord knows what I’ll be rambling about in months to come.

Have a great week and I hope that 2014 will be a great year for you all!


Best wishes,


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